This is my apology

[ccnk]

To those who feel they have been offended by me in any way in the past,


I have thought about posting this for a long - very long time. It is by
all means a very hard thing to do, but alas one that I feel I should
have done a long time ago.

Though I am not the type to make open statements about my thoughts on
certain "delicate" matters such as this one, I feel very strongly that I
should make this one statement to all of you whom I had the priviledge
of sharing knowledge with and enjoying your conversations. Aswell as to
those people that my conversations went sour with and turned into
discussions that went bad.

My subject revolves around some things that have happened in the past in
this forum and for which I feel very bad and very, very sorry. I know
apologies are meaningless without trueful intent. But I can't see any
other way of expressing my feelings about this than to just openly
apologise, as is in my opinion the correct way - and only way. I
understand this message will exist for a long time on this server and if
not here - in some searchengine. Everyone can read it. Now, and in the
future. But that is okay, at least this whole thing will be off my
shoulders after this post.

What I feel bad about is the way I handled some people in this forum. I
have been *rude* and many times *blunt* and some of my wording came out
harder than I intended. I may have *sweared*, I may have said some *bad*
things. Now I acknowledge that. My only intent is - and has ever been -
to help people with Fireworks related problems, reach their goals. And
with initiatives such as the Freestyler site - let people unleash their
full potential. If I can contribute to their creativity and learn from
them in the process then I have reached my personal goals.

I haven't been as active as I was on this forum mainly because I was
becoming very insecure with myself because I was afraid of saying the
wrong things again. Stupid of course, isolating oneself like that
really. But that is what happens as these things go. In the posts that I
DID reply to since then (other than the posts I started myself), I have
been brief and not too personal - strictly business so to speak. And to
my suprise, I felt that went down very well. I still enjoy it very much
if someone extends his/her gratitude. That is exactly what I have missed
and what I really - really don't WANT to have to miss. This is why I
write this. Because I am sick and tired of saying the wrong things and
having to apologise for it later on. Everybody is in a learningprocess.
And as this is in NO way an excuse for wrong that has been done by me, I
TOO need to learn from my mishaps.

I don't want to make a discussion about this. I respect your thoughts
and your views and to be frank, I really don't expect any replies to
this thread and I mean that. Just know, that should you choose to do so
anyway, I will read it but will not reply. This entire post for me is a
onetime only thing - to say what I wanted to say instead of saying it
time and again to people I have had contact with. Just a statement to
say "what's in my heart and what has been bothering me for too long
now". I want to get it off my shoulders and be done with it.
I don't expect people to say "Hey, he apologised so it's okay now". And
I am not asking for that. I respect the fact that some of the people I
have had some conversations with that have gone bad - will not bother to
talk to me anymore. That is their good right. Once again, I respect that.
This post is something which nobody asked me to do, but something which
"I" wanted, because "I" felt bad about the entire issue. Please
understand and respect that. It has nothing to do with me feeling
low-selfesteemed or something along those lines. I just hate it - really
hate it - when people start ignoring each other - as I felt ignored at
times aswell. Although, I understand the motives behind that.

I have posted on this forum for two/three continuous months with one
goal only - to help those who need help with Fireworks. The application
is my passion in life, or at least - it currently fills that vacancy so
to speak. The last thing I want(ed) to do is argue with people. That
this has happened anyway saddens me, as my passion for Fireworks
sometimes made me expres my thoughts a bit too vocally. And I understand
this is not a good thing.

Maybe there's some folks out there that are going to say "What's with
this guy anyway? Why all the fuss about old stuff that happened ages
ago?". I can only say, this is *MY* way of saying i'm sorry. It is my
way of saying that although I tend to screw up things, I always have and
always will mean good.
My greatest joy in life is to bring people together, not break them
apart. I don't accept that from other people and I sure as h*ll don't
accept it from myself. THIS is why you read this.

So, everyone, for what it's worth - I am truly, truly sorry. And I truly
hope you can forgive my behaviour. I stand correct and hope this will be
something which will not be intepreted in the wrong way. I rather lose
face by openly admitting my misdemeanour, than wearing that awful mask
some folks out there wear and convince themselves all is hanky panky.
I'm not scared of admitting I was wrong, I was only scared as hell for a
time that I was wrong without having the guts to admit it.

That is all I can do. I hope it is sufficient.

As a good friend on this forum once said to me on the phone "Just try to
be part of this Team and all will be fine".
I will try my best at that from now on.

Thanks for your time.

P.s. Derren Whiteman, to you a personal apology - you and Joseph Lowery
changed my life when you wrote the Fireworks 4 Bible. It is in many ways
- my true Bible. From the moment I started reading that book, everything
in my life fell into place. Thank you so much for that!!

Coen Naninck,
October 16, 2003.

ccnk AT home.nl

--

Coen

"The only place where success comes before work is in the dictionary."
_______________________________
Please, don't E-mail me about Fireworks questions. Post them on the Forum.

E-mail : ccnk at home.nl
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[John T]

I like that, Sam. Thanks for posting it. :-)

John

"Sam Poikail" <indigo_wolf@SPAMBITEShotmail.com> wrote in message
news:bmmg80$8p2$1@forums.macromedia.com...

> ""Men have no more time to understand anything.
> They buy things all ready made at the shops.
> But there's no shop anywhere where one can buy friendship,
> and so men have no friends any more."
>
> Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
>
> Sometimes we just need to find a little bit more time. :o)
>
> Kind regards,
> Sam
>
> "ccnk" <ccnkHAHA@home.nl> wrote in message

news:3F8E9F32.3010101@home.nl...

> >
> > To those who feel they have been offended by me in any way in the past,

>
>

[Sam Poikail]

""Men have no more time to understand anything.
They buy things all ready made at the shops.
But there's no shop anywhere where one can buy friendship,
and so men have no friends any more."

Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

Sometimes we just need to find a little bit more time. :o)

Kind regards,
Sam

"ccnk" <ccnkHAHA@home.nl> wrote in message news:3F8E9F32.3010101@home.nl...

>
> To those who feel they have been offended by me in any way in the past,

[Sam Poikail]

You're quite welcome. Oddly enough I ran into it again while searching for a
new domain name, and it seemed oddly appropriate. It had been a gazillion
years (he says as he scratches his silvered whiskers) since I had last read
it, and that was originally in French. The days do have their interesting
little detours.

Cheers,
Sam

"John T" <mmforums@REMOVEcomcast.net> wrote in message
news:bmmgio$9d4$1@forums.macromedia.com...

> I like that, Sam. Thanks for posting it. :-)
>
> John
>
> "Sam Poikail" <indigo_wolf@SPAMBITEShotmail.com> wrote in message
> news:bmmg80$8p2$1@forums.macromedia.com...

> > ""Men have no more time to understand anything.
> > They buy things all ready made at the shops.
> > But there's no shop anywhere where one can buy friendship,
> > and so men have no friends any more."
> >
> > Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
> >
> > Sometimes we just need to find a little bit more time. :o)
> >
> > Kind regards,
> > Sam